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“Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” – Melody Beattie Thanksgiving can be a time to reflect on the year and express gratitude to people, places and things that have served us well. Gratitude is a habit we can develop as we learn to recognize and express appreciation to all aspects of life, not only when things go the way we want them to. As life naturally ebbs and flows, we can be mindful of what we are grateful for to help cope with feelings of frustration or negativity. If the gratitude mindset is a struggle to introduce, perhaps begin by […]

It was Bill Wilson, the founder of Alcoholics Anonymous, who called emotional sobriety the “next horizon” to be met once physical sobriety is achieved.  Emotional sobriety is often considered the foundation of all recovery. When our emotions are out of control, so is our thinking. Until we deal with the buried feelings that caused the addictive behavior, our lives and our relationships may feel unmanageable. The ability to self-regulate, know appropriate boundaries, and deal with life on life’s terms are all parts of emotional sobriety. Gaining emotional sobriety helps us feel more confident, less insecure, and acts as a framework for maintaining abstinence. It is an evolving process, but when you […]

Hello everyone, I’m really thrilled to be joining The Inner Stage. I wanted to take a moment to introduce myself and share a bit about my work. My path to becoming a therapist was a bit roundabout. I’ve always been interested in people more than anything: specifically, the ways that we connect with others, struggle, and grow. When I was younger this interest took the form of creative writing: mostly poems, short stories, and the odd fragment of a novel. In college I majored in Education, intrigued by how our schooling system fosters (or fails to foster) community, respect, and trust. I loved researching and writing about how building interpersonal […]

“The only person you can now or ever change is yourself. The only person that it is your business to control is yourself.” – Melody Beattie As Melody Beattie, co-dependency expert, asks…is your partner’s problem your problem? Have you found yourself in relationships with people you feel you need to fix? Do you work at jobs where you are the “good sport” who will handle things that no one else wants to? Are you often tending to your partner’s life, losing sight of your own feelings and desires? Co-dependency is a behavioral pattern which can affect an individual’s ability to have healthy, mutually fulfilling relationships in all parts of life. If you […]

Recovery is hard work. It involves going to meetings, getting a sponsor, working the steps, among other challenges like confronting painful emotions and dealing with old wounds. Individuals in substance abuse recovery often need to avoid past toxic party habits by avoiding people, places and things, and learn to seek other sources of sober “fun”. Recovery also involves learning how to be emotionally sober and live life on life’s terms. In my practice, I have seen transformational results with clients who have learned to let go, play, and get to know their inner child through psychodrama. This month, I will be hosting an open psychodrama workshop at my new Inner […]

In a 2010 interview, Brene Brown discussed the idea that authenticity is a practice. It is not something that happens to us, but something we choose.  It is a willingness to be open-hearted and vulnerable. Over the years, my own connection to my authenticity has been transformative.  Like many teenagers growing up in suburbia, I struggled with authenticity.  I didn’t yet know who I was, and often tried to fit in by acting like others I saw around me.  I sometimes felt sick inside when I wasn’t being true to myself and I didn’t always know it was OK to be me.  I was afraid I wouldn’t belong, so I betrayed […]

Valerie’s Psychology Today guest blog post